Page from one of my latest books, BORED.
Dagwood felt numb as he watched Herb getting dragged out into the street by his wife. He knew he should do something, anything, maybe it’s not too late to save him. But instead, all he could do was stand and watch as his best friend Herb was torn apart by his wife. Dagwood saw the other wives emerging from their homes to join in, clawing at Herb’s flesh and casting body parts aside. When Herb’s screams faded away and the wives went to go get mops to clean up the grisly mess, Dag pulled himself away from the window to make himself a sandwich.
Standing there in the kitchen, he couldn’t bring himself to finish the sandwich. He couldn’t touch the deli meat without thinking of Herb. How had it come to this, he thought. It seemed so long ago when Herb and Dag came up with the idea to reprogram their wives, a simple joke over some cold beers. But the joke persisted, they kept bringing it up whenever Blondie told Dag to mow the lawn, or Herb had to clean the gutters because his wife wouldn’t stop nagging him about it. It might have been Herb who found the reprogramming collars online. They were intended for controlling misbehaving dogs, but were banned by animal rights groups. The manufacturer was willing to sell off their entire stock at a fraction of the price, no questions asked. Maybe the collars could work on humans, Herb suggested. How could Dagwood have said no? It sounded like utopia – a cold beer and a warm sandwich upon command, no interruptions during football games, and no more disastrous shopping sprees.
Dag and Herb convinced all the husbands to reprogram their wives as well. If this was going to work, all the wives in the neighborhood had to be reprogrammed. Dag fastened the collar around Blondie’s neck as she slept. The next morning, Dag and his friends were kings.
But then something went horribly wrong. It was Mr. Dithers who was the first to die. Dagwood actually laughed when he heard about his boss’ gruesome end – serves him right, that slave driver, he said. But what happened to Mr. Dithers wasn’t justice - it was a glimpse into the future. Soon, other husbands were dragged out into the street and mauled to death. No one knew what was going on. Was there a problem with the programming? Were the wives rebelling against their orders? Did the husbands do something to trigger this murder frenzy?
Dagwood looked outside again. No sign of Herb or his blood. The street looked spotless, as always. So many men have died on that street, yet there isn’t a trace of them anywhere. Dag caught a glimpse of one of the wives dragging a garbage bag behind Sam’s old house. He shuttered to think of what was in that bag.
Dagwood’s door flew open as Blondie came in, clean and spotless. So clean, always, even after she murdered Herb. She didn’t say anything, she just went back to washing the windows. Dag just stared at her cold, emotionless face. What was going on in her head, he thought. Is she plotting Dagwood’s murder, or just waiting until Dagwood does something that sets her off. Or perhaps she’s just waiting for the right moment, saving him for last. There aren’t many husbands left. Frank might be alive – he has that panic room he showed Dag one time, but would that be enough? Joe tried to escape, but as soon as his car left the driveway, the wives pursued him. He’s not sure if Joe made it out.
Dagwood looked as his unfinished sandwich, then walked over to the couch to lie down. For the first time in his life, Dagwood had lost his appetite.
Helper Bot 0.2 is now complete! Cowboy House Correspondence Club subscribers have already read the comic, everyone else will have to wait until August.
Money has corrupted politics. We’re kickstarting a political experiment big enough to win a Congress committed to fundamental reform — Join us!
So some of you have seen the ads on YouTube and elsewhere about Mayday PAC, a SuperPAC to help get corporate money out of politics, and I support this idea. I think it could make a difference. Even if it doesn’t work, it’s better to have tried and failed than just stand around complaining about how the US government is owned by Koch Industries.
The biggest problem Americans face is corporations funding elections and getting their agendas put into law. If the US wants to see real reform, this problem has to be solved. Otherwise, the endless stream of bad legislation will only continue, including things like SOPA, PIPA, the Trans-Pacific Partnership, Verizon v. FCC, Sebelius v. Hobby Lobby, and Citizens United v. FEC. In addition, any potential reform to things like gun control and environment protection will face an uphill battle if it doesn’t benefit these corporate donors.
Anyway, that’s my two cents. Hope this works.
Also, fuck Hobby Lobby. I will never shop at Hobby Lobby for the rest of my life.
THIS ZINE IS NOW FREE OR PAY-WHAT-YOU-WANT RIGHT HERE
if you’ve already read it, and you like it, please share this - i really want people to see this book
Mike and I are going on a trip, and won’t be back until next week. BUT, for the first time ever, you can pay what you want for our book ZOOKEEPER VII, about Kevin James’ dark night of the soul. This is one of our most popular books, and the first one we’ve ever put online in its entirety. I wrote/designed it and did the covers, and Mike did all the illustrations.
See you next week!
GET THAT SHIT RIGHT NOW. This book has the Pretty Jeff Seal of Approval.
Check out this email I just got:
Jake Barnes <email@example.com>
2:38 PM (0 minutes ago)
to marinaomiI enjoy Mr. Lobdell’s writing in comics, he has had some very good story arcs in the super-hero genre…I have just today found out about this panel…
Against my better judgment, I e-mailed this “gentleman” and called him out on his shitty behavior. His response was about as charming as you would expect. In fact, he e-mailed me back so fast I doubt he even read my entire e-mail.
"Netflix made a big push into educational video when it picked up Scholastic’s TV shows, and we now know that this effort has paid off — The Magic School Bus has been “remarkably popular,” Netflix tells the New York Times. It only makes sense, then, that the streaming media pioneer has just ordered a new take on Magic School Bus for its next original series. The 26-episode show, The Magic School Bus 360°, will modernize Ms. Frizzle’s science classes for kids who are now surrounded by technology; robots and wearables (such as a biometric suit) will play a part.”
Oh gosh finally a worthwhile and amazing educational show is being revived! This is super exciting~
OH MY GOOOOOOOD
what what WHAT
This and Reading Rainbow like… ; - ;
WH A T
I doubt the new series will have the school bus travel to Pluto where Arnold takes off his helmet and his head freezes instantly. No joke, that scene terrified me as a kid.
As some of you know, a man named Elliot Rodger when on a shooting rampage in Santa Barbara, killing six people before shooting himself. The shooter’s motivation was because he was a misogynist who hated women for not going out with him, a hatred that was only fueled by online forums for mens rights activists. If you don’t know what the MRA is, they’re a bunch of privileged (presumably white) males who think that they don’t have enough privilege and dedicate themselves to harassing and belittling women. The Daily Kos has a good article about the incident, which is worth a read.
It’s aggravating when people seem to think that these kinds of incidents can’t be prevented and end up becoming an accepted part of life, which is bullshit. Yes, any attempts at gun control in America will probably be blocked by the NRA, and yes, this incident will probably do nothing to make these sexist assholes see the error of their ways, but I refuse to accept that these atrocities have to be something we all have to live with. No, we shouldn’t have to trade our personal safety for the Second Amendment, and no, women should not be expected to just live with harassment, online or offline. This isn’t the fucking weather, we actually have control over these situations. And the first thing we can do is keeping one another in check.
We need to start calling people out on their shitty behavior. If someone says something offensive, they should be called out on it. Harassing them probably would go to far. I’ll admit, when I first heard about this story, my first reaction was to go to The Red Pill subreddit and keep posting angry, nasty comments until I broke my keyboard, but ultimately that wouldn’t do anything productive. Telling mens rights activists to kill themselves is also toxic behavior and seriously fucked up.
Likewise, the same strategy can be used for gun owners. If, say, a bunch of gun enthusiasts walk into a Chipotle armed with assault rifles to exercise their Second Amendment rights, you call them out on that. That is shitty behavior that disregards the well-being of everyone else. It’s selfish, stupid, and arrogant, and everyone needs to call them out on it.
In fact, let’s try a little activity. Let’s say someone makes a T-shirt that perpetuates the false notion of the “Fake Geek Girl,” a shitty idea in the comic book industry that sets unreasonable standards for women to become True Fans. What can you do about that? Well, if you’re like me, you can slap together a quick DeviantArt account and leave a comment calling the artist out on this shitty behavior (see if you can guess which comment is mine).
Yeah, that sounds a lot like harassing, but I think it depends on how you say it. Your comment should point out the flaws in their worldview with the expectation that they will read this comment and could improve from it. There’s a great article from Wired that talks about how online harassment isn’t just a bunch of trolls, but mostly well-behaved players who have shitty outbursts.
Which brings me to my next point - websites dealing with online harassment. Freedom of speech has nothing to do with it, if you hurl rape threats at people in real life, you will be punished (or at least, you should be punished). Twitter, Reddit, and Facebook need to stop giving a place for these jerks to congregate. It won’t eradicate them or change their beliefs, but I shouldn’t have to avoid an entire section of a website (i.e the comments section) because a bunch of users ruined it. Reporting harassment should actually do something instead of being an ineffective function. Companies like Facebook and Twitter are big enough that they should have the resources to deal with online harassment effectively.
Anyway, that’s my two cents. Hopefully something good will come out of this post.
"Hey Jeff, does the new Cintiq make your process faster?"
*shrugs shoulders* *adds more detail to a panel*
Panel from Helper Bot Issue 0.2, the next book for the Cowboy House Correspondence Club.
Danny and the Demoncycle, by Jack Sparling (artist) and Malcolm Ater (writer). Starring Daniel McCloskey.